Tory councillors join Lib-Dems to break promises

Two Tory councillors have defected ahead of the local elections after admitting: “If we have to break promises we may as well be Lib-Dems”.

East Hants District Council members Eileen Anyway and Donna Volte-Face explained: “It never occurred to us that in joining a right-wing party we would participate in a dictatorship. Nothing in history has indicated that possibility.

“This is not a democracy it’s a dictatorship. We made certain promises to rthe electorate and if we are unable to fulfil them we felt we should at least belong to the party that has no qualms about going back on election promises.

“Therefore we will proudly be wearing the yellow Lib-Dem rosette come the election in May. But being Lib-Dems, obviously we reserve the right to change our minds at short notice and stand for some other party altogether.”

The leader of the local Conservative party, Obersturmbannführer Ballhedge, insisted: “For them the election is over. How they can compare the council to a dictatorship is beyond me. I told them not to do it as well…”

Petersfield's 'Beardies' get tough

Reg Tweed, left, last week - now Lord Snootington, right

East Hampshire Liberal Democrats have formed a new Huntin’, Shootin’ and Fishin’ Club – and are considering making the wearing of top hats compulsory for all members.

The move comes as local Liberals try to fit in with their new partners in the national Con-Dem coalition.

“We may have only been in power for a few days but we’ve got a real taste for it,” said chairman Reg Tweed, who is currently changing his name by deed poll to Lord Snootington of Steep.

“We’ve spent years as weirdy beardies sitting on the sidelines and coming up with daft ideas we knew we’d never have to put into practice.

“Now we’re all starting to realise we were wrong all along. It’s great fun taking an axe to public services – who cares about nurses and teachers when you’ve got a bit of real power? What ho!

“Besides, what’s more fun – sitting on a consultative sub-committee about footpath diversions, or getting out into the countryside and killing some wildlife?

“Those bloody pinko foxes need teaching a lesson or two, and there’s definitely going to be a population explosion among unemployed oiks in the coming months so we should be able to bag a few of those too.

“We’re willing to do all this in the spirit of co-operation with our new coalition partners, who don’t seem that bad really as long as you shine their shoes and tug your forelock as they go past.

“Anyway, we’ve got to make the most of it before the next election as everyone who voted for us to keep the Tories out now realises what a bunch of ****s we really are…”