‘What us?’ say Petersfield mums

Veuve Clicquot Molotov Cocktails, shaken not stirred.

Petersfield mums have recoiled in shock after the dawning realisation that the Con-Dem government cuts will actually apply to them.

Pulling on her black balaclava moments before ramming a double buggy through the plate glass doors of the 99p shop, one yummy mummy who refused to be named said: “How dare they suggest that our Surestart playgroup might close!

“When I heard that lots of cuts were needed to save the country I naturally assumed, like all right-minded people, that it would only be lesbian theatre groups, unemployed northerners and people in council houses that would suffer.

“I’m outraged that anyone could even think of shutting down our Surestart group – my little Tarquin loves going along. Just think of the children!”

Another young mum – her face disguised by a scarf (Hermes naturally) - held off lighting her Molotov cocktail to tell us: “Surely no-one can seriously suggest that our Surestart centre is less important than NHS operations for poor people.

“If they close it down, I may have to dip into my husband’s bonus from Lloyds to pay for a private nursery – and why should I do that just so that some lazy old pensioner can carry on getting the so called winter fuel allowance?”