"A site for sore eyes" says journalist with sore eyes...

Renoir's Bloke Smoking Carrot is one of the many

valuable works of art on display in the cultural town of Petersfield

Life in Petersfield magazine has launched an investigation into how Petersfield Newswire has been nominated for recognition in the publication’s annual community awards.

The spoof news website is on a shortlist of three for the arts and entertainment award – a decision which shocked the magazine’s deputy editor, Ed Vertisement.

He said: “I suspect foul play here as how a largely irrelevant and unfunny website such as Petersfield Newswire can be more popular than some of the other candidates in a town with such a cultural pedigree is beyond me.

“Look at some of the worthy groups and facilities who have been left off the list. There’s that bloke in the shiny suit who turns up to the opening of a crisp packet; that young stand-up comic lady with the downmarket magazines at the top of Rams Walk; and the town’s world-renowned gallery of Comedy Club signs.

“All of these are far more worthy than a website – it doesn’t even carry advertising for heaven’s sake!”

Other groups and events who have expressed disappointment at being omitted from the list include the Petersfield Philharmonic Orchestra, a touring production of Chekhov’s little-known play Uncle Vanya Visits a Farmers’ Market, Owen’s Ring Cycle Shop Operatic Society, Bojangles School’s exhibition of business-class gap-year air tickets, a bloke called Keith who can play La Marseillaise on a 19^th century copper kettle and the hilarious South-West Trains timetable.

A spokesman for Petersfield Newswire, who was prepared to be known only as Jeffrey Archer, admitted: “It came as a shock to us too. We didn’t realise anybody actually read our stuff. There has been a suggestion that residents of Bordon have been voting in order to subvert the awards but I have many family members in Bordon and I refute the allegation that any of them have voted more than eight times each.

“Obviously we’re delighted to be nominated if we win; if we don’t win, we’ll just dismiss it as a meaningless piece of corporate chicanery designed to make people feel valued. We suspect it will probably be the latter.”

Voting for the Life in Petersfield community awards arts and entertainment category has now closed. Any votes you make now will not be counted but you may still be charged through the nose, particularly if you visit Waitrose or the farmers’ market.