Cake Walk

 An example of a “Cake Walk” taking in three broken

ticket machines and a walk back to the car. 

Petersfield supermarket Tesco is today launching “Cake Walk”, an initiative that could see many of its car-driving customers lose some weight.

“Cake Walk” will see many customers complete some valuable exercise in the open air before heading into the store.

Jean Eyus, a Tesco spokesman, said: “The plan is simple: by only ever having one car-park ticket machine working at any given time, customers will be forced to walk around the car park trying to purchase their ticket before they can come into the store.

“Once they have bought their ticket they need to walk back to their car and all this adds up to healthy exercise.

“The walking doesn’t end there; we are also hiding our trolleys, you know those handy sized ones that all our customers like to use. We have started to leave these jammed in the broken plastic shelters around the car park and customers will have to walk back out into the car park to get a trolley.

“We estimate that an average customer will have to walk about half a mile before actually making it into the store, whereas some customers might actually walk nearer to a mile before starting their shopping experience.

“The weight problem for all lardies out there has been exacerbated by the fact that nobody feels safe eating cucumber any more thanks to the Germans.

“This is traditionally the season when everybody manages to lose a little bit of weight, but those who might otherwise have eaten healthily will now see this as an excuse to revert to their winter staple of pork pies and chocolate.

“Many of our customers have asked why we don’t put a clearly visible sign up over each ticket machine that isn’t working, so customers know to head to another machine. Hopefully this explains our reasoning.”