Retail giants queue up to deny Petersfield interest

Bakery Lane - plans for a Burger King have been put on hold

Hot on the heels of fast-food giant KFC’s announcement that it does not “currently have any plans to open a restaurant in Petersfield”, comes news that other major High St brands are also not coming to the East Hampshire market town.

Fortnum & Mason has denied rumours it was to open a store in the building which previously housed the Market Inn, while IKEA dismissed claims it was to open a branch in the flat above Rowswell’s newsagents as “pure speculation”.

Meanwhile the Burger King branch planned for Bakery Lane has been put on hold owing to the “changeable economic climate” and Dixons has suspended its plans for a superstore next to the ice-cream kiosk on the heath.

However, a spokesman for caravan giant Pikeys ‘R Us has confirmed an encampment will move into the car park at the now defunct Focus store “as soon as we can move those ****ing great lumps of concrete”.

In other retail news, rumours abound that Timothy White’s, Lyons Corner House and C&A have all expressed interest in moving to Petersfield just as soon as the town drags itself into the 1960s.

Bird-brained plan

Finger lickin' good, and that was just the pole-dancing club

Residents could pay a heavy, finger-lickin’ price after the ex-White Hart was snubbed in this year’s Petersfield In Bloom.

Owner Max Prophet has come up with a zinger of a plan to hit back at the ‘floral snobs’ who overlooked his ‘Victorian wild meadow’ effort to win the top horticultural accolade.

“How can someone with a couple of dried up window boxes beat my offering?” he moaned. “My installation has been described by professionals as akin to a vertical Kew Gardens, put in place for the delight of the Petersfield public.”

But Prophet has sworn vengeance on the town and has come up with a nightmare scenario.

“At first I considered turning the White Hart into a lap-dancing club, with massage parlour upstairs,” he revealed in an exclusive Newswire interview. “But then I realised that most members of PRAT (Petersfield Residents Against Things) would actually be it’s biggest customers – albeit by sneaking in the back door, so to speak.

“Then I hit on a scheme to really bring shame on the area. I can’t say too much about it but it’s a joint project with a certain Colonel from, er, Kentucky and it will give me revenge by the bucketload…bargain buckets, you might say.”