Real reason for Ugandan twinning is revealed

This Ugandan Big Issue seller shows more entreprenurial spirit than Petersfield's

Workers from Uganda have been searching for a credible reason to visit Petersfield for years. Now, the realisation that their Queen Elizabeth National Park almost shares its name with our local amenity has provided the perfect excuse.

Other similarities between the two parks can be found in their size, climate and wildlife. Uganda's national park consists of 770 square miles of rich safari parkland populated by African wildlife - lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) - while ours is a hill on which some dogs once got lost.

But the real attractions for our Ugandan visitors are in Petersfield itself. By studying our world-famous approach to urban planning, our legendary Post Office queuing system and our advanced traffic management techniques, the visitors will learn a range of skills they can later introduce to Ugandan society.

One of the visiting Ugandans whose name we, like the Petersfield Proust, didn't risk trying to spell said: "Coming to Petersfield has taught me how you can replace a single traffic warden with a complex system of residents' parking permits, kerbside restrictions and extended Sunday parking charges and still end up no better off. Now I understand the decline of the British Empire."

Other tips the Ugandans might learn include how to hold an election without your country decending into violence and how to avoid sentencing practising homosexuals to death. All useful skills in the 21st century.