'S no disaster

 

You can't get the staff. 

  

A group of posh students from across East Hampshire gathered at Ditch-It Park school (leafy South Downs) last Friday, where they had been invited to a conference. Conversation soon drifted to the weather, as it is prone to do in this country, and the meeting was subsequently labelled a "Climate Conference", to make it sound valuable.

It all started when Melissa Schiffer-Brains (The Big School - Petersfield) said: "I say it's a bit chilly this morning, don't you think? Positively parky".

"I agree" chimed in Valencia Tumble-Twatt (Bojangles - Steep). "I almost slipped getting into Daddy's Hi Lux this morning, the frost was so awful".

We even had frost on Portsea Island, and that's fairly unusual" added Jeremy Balls-Deep (Portsmouth Old Fashioned - Portsmouth).

"The council gritted around our house last night" declared Shane Jenkins (Staunton Dark - Rowlands Castle).

 
"Goodness!" said a very surprised Tumble-Twatt. "Daddy won't let the council anywhere near our estate. He gets his own men to clear the ice".

 
"That's extraordinary". Imogen Top-Snobbery (The Posh School - Petersfield) joined the conversation.

 
Tumble Twatt looked incredulous, "what is?"

 
"That someone from Rowlands Castle was invited to attend this conference!" exclaimed Top-Snobbery.

 
"My letter said something about social inclusion" said Jenkins.

 
"That or simple clerical error" snorted Top-Snobbery.

 
"Anyway, this isn't cold" said Tumble-Twatt with something of a smug grin. "Last year when we were skiing in Valdisere, the temperature dropped to -10. Mummy had to arrange for a man to warm our ski boots before we could even consider having the servant pull them on".

 
"It was unseasonably cold in St Moritz last month". Clarence Asquith-Benz (Ditch-It Park) reported. "I understand the temperature didn't get above -14 during our entire stay.

 
"It was so cold Mummy's Dom Perignon bottles cracked in the Lexus".

 
"My god, what did you do?" enquired Tumble-Twatt.

 
"Daddy just bought another one, the Lexus was very nearly six months old anyway and Mummy fancied a change of colour".

 
"When we New-Yeared on Whistler last year, the temperature dropped to -21" boasted Top-Snobbery.

 
"We actually lost one of our party".

 
"By jove, you lost a skier?" enquired Asquith-Benz.

"Oh Lord no. Only a butler; Daddy says it was his own fault for not wearing large enough snow shoes. He only had to carry the tray of drinks a few miles from the chalet.

"Pleased to say disaster was averted with some quick thinking by Mummy."

"Did she get someone to dig him out?" asked Asquith-Benz.

"No, she arranged to borrow a reserve butler from the Lexington-Arswipes who winter on the next slope".