Award awarded to award-winner at awards night

The Petersfield Newswire team are pictured during

a break from filming JLS' latest video

The five masked men behind Petersfield Newswire celebrated winning the Life in Petersfield arts and entertainment award at Friday’s glamorous shindig, by being somewhere else entirely.

They did, however, provide a video in the much used “unfortunately our winners can’t be here tonight but sent us this message” style, which proved so entertaining one table woke up.

A spokesman for the Newswire team explained: “Unfortunately we were out of the country acting as stunt doubles for JLS during the filming of the video for their latest 7-inch vinyl disc.

“We did, however, send a message from our static caravan on the forecourt of the Days Inn at Clacket Lane Services. We said how disappointed we were to learn that we had won only a framed certificate.

“We had arranged to have a guy on standby with a furnace so we could melt down the gold statuette we were expecting. This would have funded the building of a new website to replace the blog-based version we have currently.

“Sadly putting the framed certificate in the furnace simply produced some ashes which we left behind at a ceremony at the third bin from the left outside the gents’ lavatory in the Services’ main building. We expect a blue plaque to be erected there sometime in the 22nd century.

“We are willing to sell a photocopy of the award for £50, though obviously as men of principles under normal circumstances we would not consider such tawdry offers of cash.”

A bewildered spokesman for Life in Petersfield shook his head and said: “We still can’t believe this lot made the short-list, let alone won it. What is happening to this Sceptered Isle?”

NOTE: The Petersfield Newswire team are expected to celebrate the award with a few pints sometime soon and invite offers from local pubs who would be prepared to stand them drinks all night...