Olympic torch to bypass Petersfield?

Hardly a shining example

 

Plans for the Olympic torch to be brought to Petersfield in July could be thrown into chaos because of unregulated parking in the town.

Sebastian Coe, the former Olympic gold medallist turned Conservative party mouthpiece, admitted the health and safety of the runner could not be guaranteed in Petersfield.

He said: “Petersfield has become renowned for the haphazard and unregulated parking which has been encouraged by the town’s independent shopkeepers.

“It is not right to ask somebody carrying the Olympic torch to weave in and out of badly parked cars just to visit a tin-pot Hampshire market town. We have to be able to guarantee the safety of the runner and we can’t currently do that.

“In addition, the predilection for local farmers to muck spread and fill the town with noxious gases on warm days in July and August does not sit well with the idea of a naked flame. Hence we are currently reconsidering our initial route.”

The news will horrify the town’s residents who are still reeling from the news that a giant screen planned for the town square during the Olympics has been banned owing to fears of a loss of trade by pan-pipe buskers.

But news of the potential re-routing was welcomed by local jeweller Matt Tress, head of a local independent traders group. He said: “I welcome people double-parking illegally outside my shop – it means they’re more likely to come in and pay through the nose for their purchases. It’s good to see that people are thinking of the small shopkeeper for once.”

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised a full investigation into the issue and is likely to favour whichever option can provide him with the most votes and the best PR.