Time to make a stand

A proper bandstand, not a crap brick version.

Petersfield Cricket Club have given their full backing for plans to erect a bandstand in the middle of Petersfield Heath to mark the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.

A mixture of crazy and worthwhile ventures have been put forward to celebrate the milestone including a large inflatable crown that could be enjoyed by children as a kind of bouncy royal castle and a half-scale model of the ex-royal yacht Britannia to be used as a permanent floating venue on the lake.

The bandstand seems to be the people's favourite and the cricket club are right behind the project, but some believe the backing is merely the verbal equivalent of ball-tampering.

Alf Volley, spokesman for the club, said: "We think the new bandstand is a fantastic idea."

Yet many remain suspicious of the cricket club's enthusiasm. The club has suffered at the hands of vandals recently and the bandstand might prove a welcome distraction to young thugs.

First-team skipper and chinese international batsman Lee Ding-Edge conceded: "Only this week we have has some nutter carving up the wicket, speeding around on some sort of quad-bike. This would give the local pondlife something else upon which to vent their frustration."

Sally Bray-Shun, talking on behalf of the Jubilee Committee for Petersfield, said: "I'm afraid Volley and Ding-Edge are wide of the crease with that one. The bandstand would be fully vandal-proof.

"We have only £30,000 to spend and, constructed from brick, the bandstand will probably look crap. In my experience that makes it vandal-proof. Hooligans won't try to destroy something that already looks as though someone else has already had a go at it."

Bray-Shun denied the Jubilee Committee had contacted the fairground operators, to enquire how much it would cost to buy the kiosk that houses the "Fishing for Yellow Plastic Ducks" game.

"There is no truth behind this rumour and in fact this is probably larger than the structure we would be able to afford."

Council's bin creative

The bins are ideally placed for duck waste too...

Petersfield Town Council (PYC) believes it has “killed two birds with one stone” with an innovative scheme that should reduce litter on Petersfield Lake.

With the full backing of the Environment Agency, litter bins have been carefully placed to encourage visitors to stop leaving discarded lager cans and cigarette packets when visiting the town’s iconic lake.

But, these are no ordinary bins: designed by scientist Walter Clearup these bins float and have been strategically placed and anchored across the pond.

Ms Flo Tynbyns, speaking on behalf of PTC, enthused: “We are proud to be setting an example here. These ground-breaking waste receptacles will provide members of the public boating on the lake with somewhere to throw their rubbish.

“We’ve all seen them, thinking they are out of sight, chucking their rubbish overboard; well now there’s no excuse.”

But the usefulness of the bins doesn’t end there. Global warming saw the lake freeze over last year and in the winter the bins can again be used - this time as you would a normal bin … but on the ice.

Ms Tynbyns added: “Where you have a pond, you invariably get pond life, in this case hoodies and other benefit-claimant types.

“Last year the ice sheet was littered by these oiks who stroll out onto the ice, drink their lager and then leave the cans and bottles behind them. Now at least the sight of the bins might encourage them to dispose of their litter sensibly.”

Duane, 17, who was sat in the playground beside the lake drinking Diamond White when approached by a Petersfield Newswire reporter, said: “I don’t get it, when the ice melts, yeah, the rubbish sinks, yeah, so what’s the problem? Anyway what’s a litter bin?”