A suspicious party

One of the young and "fit" Special Constables prepares to infiltrate

Thousands of residents in Petersfield were kept awake last weekend by incessant noise coming from a rave in the idyllic South Downs National Park.

The sound of drums accompanied by an incredibly loud bass beat made leaded windows rattle in their mullion frames in the quaint market town and surrounding villages.

The illegal party was taking place on Fynings Hill, in beautiful surroundings between Rogate and Rake and was attended by nearly 100 partygoers.

Complaints flooded in to the police all Saturday night, but residents were frustrated and forced to lay awake with their eardrums popping as the party continued until after 9am the next morning.

One resident from Rogate, 92-year-old Honor Backagain told us: "They're made of stronger stuff than me, banging away for 9 hours. The longest I could ever manage when I was that age was about 3 hours, then I'd need to get my head down."

Chief Inspector Will Party told Newswire that officers from both Hampshire and West Sussex attended the scene and that the situation was at all times completely under control.

Party said: "We had over 76 of our youngest and fittest officers at the event and we concluded that the best way to deal with the situation was to let things run their course".

We asked Party whether the officers were included in the overall estimate of 100 people at the scene. "Yes" he told us "We took this matter very seriously, which is why we dedicated so many of our boys and girls in blue to the event, all on double time.

"The best we could do was to ensure matters did not get out of hand on the night and to try to ensure that this location is not used for another rave this year.

"Based on inside information, the next three events are all scheduled to take place elsewhere in the Park, so the same people should not be disturbed again."

Party Poppers for Party Poopers

Petersfield has been the scene of huge confusion that has seemingly deterred many from throwing street parties to celebrate the imminent royal wedding.
 
The residents of the South Downs National Park town are renowned up and down the land for popping open a bottle of Veuve Clicquot or six at the drop of a top hat, but East Hants District Council (EHDC) has confirmed that no-one wants to party to celebrate William and Kate's nuptials.

 Not much of a bang for Wills and Kate

A headline in the Petersfield Proust indicated that following an edict by EHDC, party poppers would cost £21, and this appears to have deterred many from wanting to join in on the day.

Annie Hicks-Kews, a self-declared royalist who always likes to let her hair down explained why there was such a level of disinterest.

“It's all down to the party poppers thing dahling,” she said. “It’s a bit like Christmas crackers; you wouldn’t be seen dead pulling a Christmas cracker which had come from a box costing less than say £60.

“Fortnum’s do reasonable Crimbo crackers and you can always fall back on Harrods if you are completely stuck, but the branding is the key.
 
“With the party poppers, I can't bear to think what sort of cheap tack these are going to be if they only cost £21? Will they be from that cheap Norwegian shop? Widdle, or whatever it's called.

“And of course it has a knock-on effect: if the price is too low, the standard of hors d’oeuvres and crudités will inevitably drop. Then before you know where you are, you’re drinking second-rate champers and every oik in the street would be wanting to join in.

“It simply won’t do.”