24/7 Surveillance

RoboWarden hits the streets of Petersfield

David Cameron’s idea of employing a SuperCop for London has resulted in Petersfield getting its own RoboWarden.

Colin Allcars, speaking on behalf of Petersfield Town Council, said: “Like London, the situation in Petersfield is out of control; except we don’t have rioters, we have mindless parking violators.

“People think they can simply park anywhere, and up ‘til now, who would stop them. This is where Petersfield’s similarity with London ends, in the capital the police were at times powerless; down here they simply couldn’t be arsed.

“But now we have RoboWarden. Things are definitely going to change around here.”

We asked Allcars how much it was going to cost Petersfield’s townsfolk to employ the 6’ 4” tungsten enforcer.

“Only $12,000 a month, that’s around £7,500 and our conservative estimate of what he will bring in per day is around £3,000, and that’s before you take into account car sales.

“We have increased our fines and failure to pay on the spot will result in vaporisation, with the car, if a wreck, being crushed immediately. In cases where the car has some value, it will be sold on to increase profits.

“Congestion in the town will soon be a thing of the past. 

We also understand RoboWarden will be making an appearance at the town’s Summer Festival, where thugs and disgruntled drivers will be able to throw apples, gathered  from the tree outside the library, at the tungsten ticketer for only £5 a go. Long queues are anticipated.