Town pays for lack of JD Sports outlet

 

 A warm summer's evening in Manchester

Petersfield hoodies have been branded “amateurs” and “apathetic” after absolutely NO rioting occurred in the town.

While the rest of the country burned, teenagers as far afield as Steep Marsh and Langrish could only hang their heads in shame at the lack of destruction on offer in the vicinity.

A milk bottle was knocked over in Durford Road on Monday night and on Tuesday morning a resident of Monks Orchard discovered a scratch on his Bentley – although he later admitted it may have occurred while he was driving past the rose bush on his drive.

“I feel sadly let down,” moaned community youth leader Dudley Doright. “Our young people can usually be relied upon to show their mettle – but they’ve really messed up this time.

“Surely they must be furious at Petersfield Youth Theatre only getting £60,000 in that TV vote…and there was that change to the opening hours of the Taro swimming pool.

“Perhaps they’re so beaten down by poverty and lack of opportunity they can’t even bring themselves to smash a few shop windows. It just shows what a bunch of apathetic amateurs they have become."

Other residents were left wondering whether it was the lack of a JD Sports outlet, or the overwhelming presence of two Police Community Support Officers that have kept a lid on protest in Petersfield.

But one passer-by summed up: “I think most of the town’s teenagers are on a geography field trip, or possibly spending time in their parents’ Tuscan villa.”