Petersfield couple's Egyptian nightmare

A young Petersfield couple have returned home after they feared delays in their flight back from Egypt would rob of them of their 15 minutes of fame.

Keith and Denise Whyte-Taylortrash, of Working Class Way, Petersfield, were scheduled to return home from their Egyptian holiday on Wednesday afternoon, but the widespread riots in the country delayed their flight by 45 minutes, leaving them fearful of a lack of media coverage.

Keith said: “Our all-inclusive three-star hotel was only five hours from Cairo and we could clearly see the rioting on the TV behind the poolside bar. At one stage smoke was clearly seen coming out of the back of the glass-washing machine.

“We quickly realised this was our chance to be featured in the local newspaper and on local TV so pausing only to pack, check-out and purchase some sandstone souvenir pyramids and a 100 per cent Egyptian cotton sheet with ‘Mubarek Out’ written on it, we dashed to the airport in a fully air-conditioned coach and prepared to fly home.

“We alerted both the Petersfield Proust and Meridian TV, who were both desperately keen to find a local hook to the big news story of the day. But we were obviously concerned that the delay might mean another couple would get home first and be plastered all over the TV, self-consciously looking at their holiday photos on their cheap sofa while claiming how lucky they are to be alive.”

Speaking while she was sat self-consciously looking at their holiday photos on their cheap sofa while claiming how lucky they are to be alive, Keith’s plug-ugly wife, 35-year-old former arc welder Denise, added: “Naturally it was a very worrying time. When you’re in this situation your thoughts immediately turn to selling your story to the highest bidder if you can get national interest.

“You only ever imagine these things happening to other people. When you’re as plebeian as we are the only chance to get your 15 minutes of fame is either escaping from a war zone or appearing on Jeremy Kyle – and we keep failing the auditions. I suppose we just got lucky in that it kicked off just before our holiday ended.

“If we’d booked a week later those bastards the Kellys would have got home to Bordon before us and it would be them what’s on the telly.”

Images of the Whyte-Tailortrashes’ – or any number of couples like them – self-consciously looking at their holiday photos on their cheap sofa while claiming how lucky they are to be alive, can be reasonably expected to appear on local TV stations across the nation in the next few days.

■ A compilation programme entitled When People In No Danger But Desperate For Fame Turn Bad is expected to be shown on Channel 5 in the autumn.