A rum deal

Land ahoy!

A Bermudan sea captain found himself marooned in the middle of Petersfield on Monday and he has absolutely no idea how he got here.

Captain Skat was clearly still suffering from shock when he told Newswire: "Shiver me timbers. I was heading sow-sow-west towards Haiti from Bermuda when all-a-sudden there was this blinding flash and me ship started to pitch violently, I was about to batten down me hatches.

"Afore the ship's bell could chime twice, we seemed to have run aground and I was here in what I now understand is the car park of the Olde White Hart. I was standing face to face with a figure in black who I thought was Old Davey Jones, I thought my time was up and I'd weighed anchor for the last time.

"The ghastly figure grinned a semi-toothless grin and handed me a small piece of parchment, I was convinced it was the accursed black spot … but the chitty read ‘Parking Violation’."

While Captain Skat was understandably glad to have survived the ordeal, he is bewildered as to how he could have been transported from an infamous stretch of the Atlantic Ocean to the car park of the White Hart.

"It's the Devil's work", he insisted.

The mysteries of this feared stretch of water are well documented, although none of them are understood. And Petersfield Community Support Officers are dumbfounded at the misfortune of the visiting skipper.

"I caaaaan't believe me luck either," said Captain Skat "To have fallen prey to the malevolent power of the Bermuda Triangle…"

"It's not so much that" said the attending PCSO, "it's to have ended up in the White Hart car park of all places, perched on a tow-trolley, incurring a mooring-fee-cum-parking-violation of £2500 – now that’s unlucky."

However, the attention to detail of the enforcement troops of the White Hart has inspired the Royal Navy which is considering utilising their talents off the Somali coast where pirates regularly hijack vessels of all sizes.

Cmdr C Shanty, from the Ministry of Defence’s little-known parking division, said: “These chaps might prove ideal in our fight against Somali pirates. If they can clamp a few of them that would be spiffing; if on the other hand a few of them were shot by the pirates they won’t be missed. Everyone’s a winner as I believe they say in the lower echelons of society.”