Taptastic were devastated as they were beaten by a street dance outfit from a council estate in Bethnal Green and a dole-scrounging robotics expert from Liverpool.
To be fair, the Scouse robot spider was quite impressive
Fourteen-year-old troupe leader Tina Tapshu sobbed: “We put our heart and sole (sic) into it but we couldn’t compete with the massed grannies, aunties, cousins and bezzie mates of the other acts.
“My mum phoned a few people from her bridge club and they made an announcement in school assembly asking for support – but it wasn’t enough.
“Most people in Petersfield were too busy living their actual lives to bother handing cash over to an international phone company and a low-brow TV channel merely to subsidise cheap programmes…”