Council eases grave concerns in Petersfield

Grave matters indeed

East Hampshire County Council has been hailed for its “thinking outside the box” after solving two problems simultaneously.

Faced with a public outcry over the rising charges of cemetery plots and maintenance, the council’s problem-solving guru, ‘Smart’ Alec B’stard, contacted the roads and highways agency to ask about the costs of repairing loose paving stones and potholes.

B’stard explained: “There is only so much money in each pot – civic amenities and road maintenance – but together we could do so much more. So now we plan to bury people underneath loose paving slabs or in potholes.

“There is no need to engage the services of a gravedigger as the holes already exist – some of them large enough to accommodate a couple wishing to be buried together. And once they’re safely underground the dual maintenance subsidy is enough to chuck in a bit of extra asphalt or concrete every time there’s a cold snap and the holes start to reappear.”

The corpse of recently departed Arthur Pewty, formerly of Brian Close, Petersfield, said: “I was worrying about how my family would pay for my cemetery plot but this stroke of genius from the council has put my mind at rest. I can now head to the afterlife without any pecuniary fears.

“It’s a great example of thinking outside the box – which is something I can longer do…”