Jeeves, about to pep up the plants
Petersfield residents have started hoarding champagne – in case of a water shortage.
M&S, Waitrose, and even that ludicrously expensive wine corner shop in Lavant Street have all reported a surge in sales following news that Scousers and Mancs face a hosepipe ban.
"If the water authorities can’t even collect enough of the stuff to keep the North West going, what chance do we stand in the sunny South?” said Dame Amelia Ponsoby-Sprinkler of Woodtwee Avenue.
“Let’s face it, it rains for 11 and a half months of the year up there and we all know most northerners don’t wash anyway, so how incompetent are these water people?”
Pressed further on the 58 crates of Champagne in the north wing of her home, Dame Ponsoby-Sprinkler shrieked “Drink it? Good gawd no, Jeeves is going to use it to water the begonias.”