Sheet spreading

From town to city in ten years

The inhabitants of Sheet village are planning independence as a way of ensuring their village is not surrounded by newly built, affordable housing.

Petersfield’s town planners and big-wig decision makers have already sold out to developers who will soon start work on the Causeway Farm site south east of the market town.

Even before the first digger has thundered in, the next site is up for consideration, south west of Petersfield on the area immediately south of Larcombe Road.

A secret document has found its way into the hands of Lucy Lastic, spokesperson for the Sheet Village Association, which sets out, with crystal clarity, the future expansion plans for the town of Petersfield.

Lastic said: “You can see from this plan the devastation that is set to be unleashed on our town. It is madness and must be stopped.”

The plans do show that within the next 10 years, Petersfield could have trebled in size and no longer be the quaint and idyllic town it is today.

A source at Petersfield Town Council, who asked not to be named, told us: “It is bad, but this is all overspill from Havant. When I say Havant, I mean Havant, Leigh Park, Rowlands Castle, Horndean, Cowplain and Waterlooville.

“This part of the county has been set targets for new housing, and these new-build projects were intended to be shared across the region, but people do not want to live in these areas. What is the point of building homes in areas where people will refuse to live?”

Our informant refuted the suggestion there was more money to be made by the developers by building in Petersfield.

“I understand what you are saying, and it is true that the overheads are the same to build homes here rather than say Rowlands Castle, Leigh Park, or any of those no-go zones just south of the South Downs National Park. I don’t necessarily agree that the homes when completed would have four times the value; that seems a little high.”

Lastic is angry at the situation. She added: “Hitler didn’t do this much damage! We need to stem the tide. I appeal to all Sheet residents to vote for independence; we can at least make sure that our corner of England remains forever green.”

The Green party candidate in the recent election polled three votes and a chocolate button.