Award awarded to award-winner at awards night

The Petersfield Newswire team are pictured during

a break from filming JLS' latest video

The five masked men behind Petersfield Newswire celebrated winning the Life in Petersfield arts and entertainment award at Friday’s glamorous shindig, by being somewhere else entirely.

They did, however, provide a video in the much used “unfortunately our winners can’t be here tonight but sent us this message” style, which proved so entertaining one table woke up.

A spokesman for the Newswire team explained: “Unfortunately we were out of the country acting as stunt doubles for JLS during the filming of the video for their latest 7-inch vinyl disc.

“We did, however, send a message from our static caravan on the forecourt of the Days Inn at Clacket Lane Services. We said how disappointed we were to learn that we had won only a framed certificate.

“We had arranged to have a guy on standby with a furnace so we could melt down the gold statuette we were expecting. This would have funded the building of a new website to replace the blog-based version we have currently.

“Sadly putting the framed certificate in the furnace simply produced some ashes which we left behind at a ceremony at the third bin from the left outside the gents’ lavatory in the Services’ main building. We expect a blue plaque to be erected there sometime in the 22nd century.

“We are willing to sell a photocopy of the award for £50, though obviously as men of principles under normal circumstances we would not consider such tawdry offers of cash.”

A bewildered spokesman for Life in Petersfield shook his head and said: “We still can’t believe this lot made the short-list, let alone won it. What is happening to this Sceptered Isle?”

NOTE: The Petersfield Newswire team are expected to celebrate the award with a few pints sometime soon and invite offers from local pubs who would be prepared to stand them drinks all night...

‘Bonkers’ award for A3 roundabout

 

Police say they will have spare signage from the

soon to be safer Hindhead area.

A blue heritage plaque is to be awarded to a roundabout near Petersfield as it is a rare example of ‘bonkers’ 1980s planning.

The Ham Barn roundabout at Greatham – scene of countless A3 accidents - will soon be the only traffic obstacle to motorists between London and Portsmouth.

“This roundabout is a classic example of the muddled thinking of traffic planners of the past,” said Miss Clea Rhodes, chair of the Petersfield and District Pointless Heritage Awards.

She said the award would be handed over as soon as the Hindhead tunnel opened as, at that point, Ham Barn would become even more of a joke than it has been for the past 20 years.

“Not only does this junction create a completely pointless distraction which creeps up on drivers who might reasonably think that a dual carriageway between two major cities should be a clear run, it’s not even round!” added Ms Rhodes.

“It’s a kind of kidney-shaped mess set at an angle with one side lower than the other to cause as much difficulty as possible – especially for high-sided vehicles and, of course, boy racers.

“Best of all, it is only there to provide a back way into Liss past a kebab van and access to a tiny village school at Greatham, which could have been achieved by sliproads – as at every other junction on the A3.”

However, chairman of single interest group Petersfield Tory Businessmen, Matt Tress, said: “The Ham Barn roundabout has made a vital contribution to local businesses throughout its entire life.

“Not only does it allow access to that kebab van, but there are several body repair shops which would have gone bust years ago if it wasn’t for this junction…”