Just add clotted crime

The latest local crime report circulated by Petersfield Neighbourhood Watch suggests a worrying trend ... towards the trivial.

In what might be seen as a coordinated wave of food-related crimes (but probably isn't), the following incidents are reported by Hampshire Police:

• Fruit thrown at property in Buster Walk.
• Eggs thrown in Marden Way.
• Biscuits stolen from Privett village hall.
• Youths throwing apples at Petersfield house.
• Twenty curly kale cabbages nicked from Kelsey allotments in Liss.
• A hooded youth spotted outside Waitrose.

Officers have gathered together all the evidence and made a pie. With a curly kale starter.

Speaking with his mouth full, PC Daventry McAllister said: "What did you expect? Letting this lot go to waste would be, er, criminal."

Petersfield Newswire Interactive Plus

We're looking for the best original recipe which combines these ingredients in the exact proportions reported by local Police. Please send all entries to Petersfield Newswire offices marked with a nutritional value analysis and best before date.