F ll wing the G vernment’s ‘C mprehensive Spending Review’ the Petersfield Newswire has had its budget slashed by 1/26th .
C nsequently all news items in future will be written with ut the letter , spelt ‘ h’.
A sp kesman f r Newswire said: “Unf rtunately we are as liable t cuts as any ther w rthless b dy and theref re have taken the brave – s me might say f lhardy decisi n – t d away with the letter , spelt ‘ h’, in all future news items.
“We sympathise with readers – particularly th se wh d n’t live in Petersfield – but they will s n bec me used t d ing with ut the letter , spelt ‘ h’. This is just ne f the many knee-jerk cutbacks f rced up n s ciety by the C n-Dem c aliti n, but ur readers will have n truck with that as they v ted f r them in the first place.”
Petersfield Newswire is n t the nly east Hampshire rganisati n t be hit hard. Defence cuts mean East Hampshire MP Julian Hindsight will n l nger be able t sit n de-fence and will have t pr ffer a view n the issues f the day.
Residents are likely t find prices rising in Waitr se, with rganic, gluten-free Italian bread retailing at s mewhere near the gr ss d mestic pr duct f a small East African republic.
It’s n t all bad news, h wever. Prime Minister David ‘James’ Camer n – the direct r f such epics as Titanic, Avatar and The Bullingd n Club 2: This Time It’s n Expenses – and Chancell r Ge rge sb rne-H use are n t affected by the cuts.
A sp kesman c nfirmed: “The c untry can sleep safe in the kn wledge that b th gentlemen are immune fr m the cuts as they have rather large family estates up n which they can rely.”