Monday, December 20, 2010

Churches may foot bill for 'illegal parking'

 Penny Pinching

East Hampshire District Council has hit upon a unique way of boosting its flagging finances – it’s started clamping illegally parked piles of snow in its car parks.

Penny Pinching, the council’s finance officer, explained: “At a hastily convened council meeting, a resolution was passed to treat piles of snow as we would any other illegally parked item.

“Admittedly the wheelclamps have had to be modified slightly but at £400 per day we believe that, across all our parks, we will soon have sufficient funds to send all our officers and councillors on a free ‘fact-finding mission’ to the Caribbean before any more snow falls.”

Ms Pinching accepted that the policy might be difficult to enforce but insisted the full force of civil law would be brought to bear on transgressors.

She added: “One might imagine that ownership of the snow might be difficult to substantiate, but if it has been piled up by an individual or corporation then that person or corporation is culpable and will be fined accordingly.

“And if ownership can not be proved in this realm then we will simply bill all the local churches, for if they believe in and worship God, then it is only right and proper they are prepared to pay His debts.

“The charges will accumulate on a daily basis because extensive research has shown us that towing away snow is like trying to nail water to a wall.”

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