Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Longest Day

The ramblers thought they had map-reading nailed

A group of six women completing a walk for popular charity Save Our Squaddies have spent all of the funds they have raised on a piss-up.

The ladies were walking the South Downs Way when they were astonished to come face to face with, what they thought was inexplicably popular TV loudmouth Jeremy Clarkson.

In fact, the walkers were miles off course and had actually wandered into Paul Stuart, landlord of the Pub With No Name at Priors Dean.

The pub’s annual beer festival, The Longest Day Festival, is taking place this weekend and Stuart was out surveying the adjacent campsite which resembles a reservoir following recent rainfall.

Stuart said: “Understandably they thought I was Clarkson. Have I ever told you how I am always being told I resemble the obnoxious bigoted twat?

“Anyway the ladies, or as I saw them, potential customers, bumbled up and before you knew it they were fawning all over me and taking it in turns to have their photo taken with me.

“I asked if they’d like to pop in for a drink and they were practically hysterical, they all started Twatting, Myspacing and Farcebooking how Jeremy Clarkson had just asked them for a drink.

“To cut a long story short they got completely slaughtered in the PIMMS & Champagne tent. By the end of the day, four of them couldn’t stand up and they had spent all of the money they had with them in a bucket labelled S.O.S.”

Once one of the ladies had sobered up a little, asking to remain anonymous, she spoke to one of our reporters and said: “We were absolutely miles off course and thought, bollocks let’s get pissed. It just goes to show you, women and maps don’t mix.

"I think I'll stick to walking round the shops”

No comments:

Post a Comment