Petersfield Police Station seen here being used for the last time
back in 1958
There was widespread shock across Petersfield today when it was announced that the town’s police station was to close because of cutbacks – mainly because not one single resident realised it was still open.
“I thought it closed in the ‘90s,” said passing burglar Ivor Swagbag. “I certainly haven’t seen a copper on foot in the town since…ooh I can’t remember.”
Another dodgy-looking character, Pete O’File, who was hanging around the nearby churchyard, commented: “What? There are coppers in that building. Bloody hell! I must be going.”
Drinkers in the newly reopened Fogfusions bar opposite the station were equally mystified. “A police station you say,” mused one. “Thankfully, they never seem to notice any of our lock-ins, fights, or noise.”
Petersfield’s MP Damian Hindsight waded into the debate, saying: “I’m definitely backing town residents in calling for a full review into this closure, although voters must understand we all have to tighten our belts and pull together, or something.
“There simply is no alternative to cutting costs to pay for bankers’ bonuses, er, I mean fund the black hole of debt left by the last government.
“It seems the only way we could afford police in the past was because Labour was frittering away money on public services. God, these people will be asking for a decent pension next!”