Monday, September 12, 2011

Your Sheet, and you know you are

 A Sheet resident gets twitchy

A ‘net curtain’ dividing line has been proposed – if the village of Sheet gets the go-ahead to split from its big brother neighbour Petersfield.

Leader of the SS (Separate Sheet), Baron Ludwig von Queenshead, said: “It’s quite simple – it will be like the old iron curtain across Europe…just more in keeping with the area.

“After all, there is no point in our quaint little village managing to extricate itself from the shadow of the urban sprawl of Petersfield if we don’t mark the dividing line in some way.”

The big debate will now take place as to where the ‘net curtain’ should fall.

“Obviously we don’t want the concrete jungle of the Herne Farm estate in Sheet – that goes without saying,” stressed von Queenshead.

“I don’t much care for Pulens Lane either – or any of the houses on the old A3, they’re quite obviously urban in nature.

“There are also rather too many terraced houses that don’t really lend themselves to the image we’d like to create for Sheet, so I think essentially we’re talking about the village green, the old oak tree, St Mary’s Church and, er, the Queens Head. We might also adopt a corridor along to the Harrow, even though technically it’s kind of on the Steep border, because it’s such a landmark.

“Admittedly, it’s going to have to be a fairly long ‘net curtain’ but I, for one, think it will be worth it to keep the Petersfield riff-raff at bay.”

A passing spokesman for the Herne Farm Residents’ Association said: “What?!? We’re not in Sheet any more?? In that case we must be in Harting – we’re a farm for heaven’s sake! We have to be in a village of some description.

“Right, I’m not giving this up without a fight. I’m off to form a new group called Farmers For Sheet. You wait until I get going – FFS will be the letters on everyone’s lips...”