Baby of the Year Competition

 Daniel and Jessica, a couple of early

entries into the nought to nine months category

Newswire’s annual Baby of the Year Competition is officially open; paving the way for all the proud parents of Petersfield to submit photos of their progeny and establish bragging rights over their peers.

Don’t forget, looks aren’t important. What really matters is having a large and loyal band of yummy-mummy friends who are willing to dedicate time and money voting for your child.

The little darlings will be split into four initial age bands: up to nine months; 10 months to 18 months; 19 months to three years; and the over-threes.

The winners will be decided entirely by public vote, so the competition couldn’t be fairer. With no one person being able to vote more than once during any 10-minute period.

So if you have an organised grandparent, with nothing better to do, who has an untreatable sleep disorder, they could actually vote up to 144 times in any one day.

Klaus who has been entered a few times,

tries his luck in the over threes category

Don’t delay, get your pictures in today and put yourself in with a chance of winning a framed photo of your child from Bread-and-Butter Photography.

Len Skloth, speaking on behalf of Bread-and-Butter Photography, said: “We are delighted to be associated with this competition. Many of the parents whose child doesn’t win a prize end up paying us a fortune for a compensatory photo shoot. You simply can’t buy this type of advertising.”

For Flecks Sake! An angel speaks…

An angry angel yesterday 

Angels across the world – and heaven - have hit back at suggestions that they look like specks of dust.

“We’ve got bloody great wings and everything!” ranted Gabriel Godsmate, communications officer for the World Angels Network Corporation (WANC). “When we deign to come down for a worldly visitation, you’ll know all about it – all right?”

Gabriel was forced to speak out after an ungodly furore broke out as Petersfield photographer Len Scapstillon tried to cover up just how crap his pictures were by claiming “Maybe, er, angels got in the way…”

Mr Scapstillon had taken a series of out of focus photographs at an awards ceremony for young footballers and was horrified to discover that, not only were the award winners miles in the distance, but the huge space around them was full of dust flecks reflecting light.

 Two specks of dust yesterday

He confessed: “As my wife is an ‘angel therapist’, we came up with a plan to not only cover up my shortcoming as a photographer but to get a free plug for her business – which, strangely, doesn’t seem to be taking off as we’d hoped.

“I thought it sounded a bit flaky but unbelievably the Petersfield Proust printed the lot across nearly a whole page – and even plugged my flimsy excuses on the front page!

“I couldn’t believe it but maybe it’s the angels at work.”

Godsmate was heard to flap his wings and mutter “For flecks sake…”