John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood
with his new vuvuzela
Portsmouth Football Club’s self appointed Chief of Noise, John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood, had an opportunity to try out the FIFA World Cup’s instrument of choice, the vuvuzela.
Diehard Pompey fan and noise abatement nightmare Westwood said: “It’s fantastic, it’s like a dream come true. You can’t get any sort of a tune out of it and nobody could possibly expect you to.
“I’m always being asked how the hell it is possible that after decades of practice, I am still unable to get any sort of melody out of my bugle. Well I can now put those days behind me.”
After he was pressed on his tuneless bugle playing the Petersfield resident confided: “I can be quite harmonic when I’m sober, I’d like to see any member of the London Symphony Orchestra's brass section stand up and play after twelve pints of beer!”
So will Westwood be taking one of the new vuvus to Fratton Park next season?
“Absolutely”, he insisted.
“The timing isn’t brilliant, I’ve just splashed out on a new cavalry bugle and I can’t see me using that now. With one of these babies I can make all the racket I want and not be accused of being unmusical.”