You have to laugh
If you’ve just lost your job, you’re ill or clinically depressed (or possibly all three!), don’t worry.
Under a new scheme unveiled this week you’ll be able to waste some of the tiny amount of cash you have left paying someone to laugh at you.
The all-new P***-Taking Clinic has been set up by cynics lecturer Pat Ronise of Clanfield and the first session is just 50p (including a FREE folder to file handouts from future sessions which cost just £150 an hour).
“When I first started this I didn’t think for a minute anyone would take it seriously,” admitted Pat, who has been studying ‘econo-cynics’ since being bailed out by the public in her last job as a City banker.
“But then I got a massive free spread in my local newspaper - where the lack of staff means they’ll print any old drivel without checking it – and before I knew it people were actually demanding to have the p*** taken out of them. And paying me for it!”
Asked if the clinic might be ‘exploiting’ naïve and vulnerable people, she replied: “If these sad losers want to pay me to point at them and snigger, they actually need more help than I can give.
“But if they’re daft enough to hand over cash for something so patently stupid they deserve all they get – and they probably deserve to be the butt of a few jokes as well. Bloody losers!
“Besides, if they come to my ‘clinic’, they won’t be cluttering up doctors’ surgeries droning about being depressed. And if I can drive them swiftly towards a full-on breakdown, they can go straight to casualty at Portsmouth, thereby saving local facilities for all the old dears with bunions and so on.”
Further information on paying for p***-taking is available on http://www.theconservativeparty.org/.