Pub rumours are rumours about a pub insists spokesman

The former Red Lion is a 200-year-old coaching inn

once frequented by Beefeaters

The owners of the former Red Lion pub in College Street have denied rumours circulating about the current conversion. 

Netherregions, the national chain which purchased the 200-year-old inn for £800,000 last year, insists there is no issue with adapting the listed building to fit its new requirements.

Netherregions spokesman Jack Daniels (£1 per shot, two for the price of one before 1am) confirmed there was no problem with the building as far as the pub chain was concerned.

“I can confirm there is no problem with the building as far as the pub chain is concerned,” he said, indicating lazy journalism.

“If there is an issue it’s because we’ve run out of cash and that the builders keep finding unopened barrels of beer. We are charged extra if we use the scaffolding after 5pm, although we can have two workmen on it for the price of one between 1pm and 3pm Monday to Friday.”

Work on the pub, which was originally scheduled to re-open in January, was held up during the winter months while workmen built a large snowman and the refit is not expected to be completed until the new estate on The Causeway is built.

East Hampshire District Council council spokesman Murphy Guinness (£1.50 a pint during extended happy hours) explained: “They are proceeding along with their plans, which they have outlined to repair the building.

“As far as we are concerned the work they have carried out so far is in accordance with all the planning obligations that were set for them. We didn’t expect the work to be completed until after the Causeway Ghetto was completed – after all that’s exactly the sort of demographic Netherregions looks for in its drinkers.”

Local haberdasher, jeweller and self-appointed spokesman for Petersfield traders Matt Tress said: “We are obviously concerned about binge drinking. If Netherregions doesn’t open soon where are we going to do it?

“Petersfield is not overly endowed with good binge-drinking pubs. After all you can’t get anything for under a fiver in the Bad Intentions and nobody over the age of 20 ventures into The Gorge.

“And since the off-licence closed in Chapel Street there’s nowhere to buy cheap cider unless you schlep all the way to Tesco.”

Mr Daniels added: “We never give exact opening dates for any of our pubs. Usually the first people know about it is one day when vomiting teenagers stagger into the road at about noon.”

Red Lion could be roaring success again

Shazza: "We likes it as it is like..."

Ever-expanding pub chain J D Wetherspoon is set to take over the Red Lion pub in College Street, Petersfield.

But Petersfield residents have mixed feelings regarding the news, at least according to our hastily convened vox pop.

We spoke to four young customers who were seated outside the Red Lion, in the car park - Duane, Shazza, Troy and Tyler - none of whom would divulge their age.

“Nightmare,” said Troy. “I mean, what’s wrong with it as it is?”

Shazza added: “Yeah we likes it as it is, like. You only has to get one drink of coke to get a glass an then you can top up with vodka from a bottle all night like.”

Tyler could see problems with the new management.

“Do Thunderspoons or whatever they are called ‘ave bouncers?" he mused, unexpectedly. "They do don’t they? Outside like.”

Duane chipped in: “Nightmare”.

We also spoke to Norma Leah Brandy, 86, from The Spain.

She said: "It's got to be good news, definitely good news; well I mean, the Red Lion is crap isn’t it? I only come here because I’m barred from all the other pubs. This place will let anyone in.”