Friday, December 18, 2009

Snow brings chaos to town

Polish car cleaners take a break outside
Waitrose - "this is summer day..."

Petersfield was in crisis today after experiencing 1/30th of the average snowfall in December in just one day.

Cars were forced to stick to the speed limit, children arrived at school on time after being kicked out early by concerned parents, 4x4 drivers panic-bought boxes of sun-dried tomatoes, and Costa Coffee ran out of those little chocalatey sticks they put in the top of the cream in the festive lattes.

Petersfield Big School's head teacher, Dee Tention, said: "We were gobsmacked this morning. Most of the kids were in on time, apparently because their parents were so concerned about them being late they kicked them out of the house at about 6am.

"It was totally unexpected. Most of the staff weren't in. They were all still in bed because we had our staff party last night in a marquee on the new artificial pitch. It was great - we had lots of caviar and champagne all paid for by the oil we discovered recently.

"And we wouldn't have been able to do that if we still had that bloody great tree."

The town's popular Big Issue seller was still in place at her normal hour, however, and her work ethic was applauded by career councillor Albert Halls-Committee.

"This is the sort of dedication more workers should show," he said. "If she had a bed she would have been out of it early just to take up her normal spot."

Other non-indigenous workers in the town were also in action at the normal time.

Win Screenworscher, originally from Warsaw, was in the town's central car park at 7am saying: "De-ice your car today sir? Spread dirt around on your completely unnecessary 4x4 madam?"

Bizarrely, he was dressed in beach shorts and a T-shirt.

He explained: "One shentimentre of snow and town grinds to standshtill. Is bullshit. In Poland, this is summer day..."

1 comment:

  1. This is a disgraceful slur on hard working Polish people. Please keep it up.