Thursday, December 17, 2009

Old bag to become MP

A Tesco carrier bag looks set to become Petersfield’s Member of Parliament at the upcoming general election.

East Hants Tories have opted for the shopping utensil as their prospective parliamentary candidate following current long-time MP Michael Mates’ decision to retire.

"It seemed the obvious choice,’ said Tory spokeswoman Archie Pelago. "Let’s face it, we’re going to win by a landslide and Petersfield has elected a Conservative since shortly before the Roman invasion.

"What’s the point of wasting a decent candidate on a seat like this? Besides a Tesco bag represents all that we stand for – naked commercial greed, elimination of all competition, and cheap vodka for the masses to keep them cowed."

The Tesco carrier was up against a Waitrose ‘bag for life’ at the selection meeting but members decided that being a member of the John Lewis group made it ‘practically a communist’.

However, Tory leader David Cameron has insisted that the Tesco bag should be of a recyclable variety to fit with his green image.

The Liberal Democrats will let shoppers decide on their candidate by getting them to vote with green tokens in the three-way charity box in the Waitrose entranceway.

A Labour spokesman said "Oh what’s the point!?" and no-one from the British National Party was available for comment.

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