Energy-saving report production causes pulp friction
Free energy-saving reports are being offered to Petersfield residents – in an effort to save enough power to justify saving more energy.
“We’re printing and delivering application forms for 20,000 households across East Hampshire,” beamed district council eco spokesman Theresa Green.
“Obviously that involves cutting down a small wood to make the paper and then thousands of miles in delivery vans – BUT if enough of them apply for the free report, we’ll send out surveyors to their homes to tell them to shut their windows when it’s cold and switch off their TV when they’re not watching it.
“Then if enough people do what they’re told, we’ll have saved enough energy to cover the whole project…by about 2036.”
Future ideas include a “knit your own sandals” workshop, capturing hot air from council meetings to power the tea urn, and converting the recycling dustcart to run on squirrels’ tears.