Thursday, August 26, 2010

Petersfield school forced to use spotty child to open exam results

Oil be damned, a casino at Petersfield Big School

Petersfield Big School is celebrating after achieving a record-breaking set of GCSE exam results – with even pupils who didn’t take exams recording A* grades.

A total of 114 per cent of students gained five or more passes at grade A* to C delighting head teacher and statistics specialist Dee Tention.

She said: “These figures are outstanding. It’s not often a school can lay claim to getting more than 100 per cent of its students with A* to C grades.

“And it shows what a fallacy it is that exams are getting easier. We had 135 pupils entered into GCSE exams this year and 142 gained at least one A* to C grade.

“ Petersfield Big School has enjoyed an exceptional year with returns on our land-grab and oil drilling now enabling us to build a casino and nightclub adjacent to the staff hangar.

“Our only disappointment was that we failed to find an attractive blonde girl with pert breasts and a short skirt to jump up in delight when the exam results were opened. We had been advised that if we could guarantee such a picture, both the BBC and national newspapers would be in attendance.

“Maybe we can line something up for next year. It will probably be easier year on year.”

Also celebrating was nearby fee-paying school Bojangles which has reported a record cannabis harvest.

No comments:

Post a Comment