The bugler sounds a call to arms
War is looming after Petersfield's marketing slogan ,"the heart of the South Downs", was stolen by neighbouring Midhurst, word for word.
Marketing designers more used to drawing bezier curves than battle lines have led the two towns into direct military confrontation over the vapid strapline.
Petersfield adopted the slogan as a way of making people think the town is absolutely central to the South Downs National Park , an area which extends 65 miles one way and 17 the other. Days later, Midhurst councillors had the exact same lack of imagination.
This matter will now be resolved in the traditional manner, with a pitched battle on fields near Rogate.
Petersfield start as favourites as their troops will be march into battle while protected by layers of foam bought from that man in the market. The town is also building affordable homes as fast as it can to house additional warriors.
Any prisoners of war taken from Midhurst will be marched into Petersfield and made to stand in line in a humiliating and degrading parade called The Post Office queue.
Meanwhile, the department of straplines at Pennywhistle Place is considering alternative slogans including:
Petersfield: building on our heritage.
Petersfield: only 11 miles from Havant.