We counted them in...
Shock was palpable in Petersfield as it was announced that Hampshire police had been redeployed to London to help tackle the widespread rioting and looting.
The shock was less to do with the redeployment but mainly because the Petersfield public didn't realise Hampshire still had a police force.
PC Hans Cuffed, speaking on behalf of the relocating officers, said: "We couldn’t wait.
"There's been some talk about us being keen to help our colleagues in the Met, but that's just paper talk, it's all bollocks.
"The truth of the matter is we wanted a piece of the action, what's the alternative, strolling around country lanes looking for lost cats? Nah, this is real policing."
PC Cuffed said he wasn’t nervous about the dangers that might lie ahead.
...and we counted them out
"Dangers?" he said quizzically, "We aren’t on the front line. We follow up behind the Met and are tasked with 'securing' looted stores.
"Hopefully this might include the likes of Hackett, Paul Smith and a couple of good quality electrical stores. Last night we ‘secured’ a Burberry in Tooting.
"And all on double time ... marvellous."