Royal wedding souvenirs come in all shapes and sizes
- but here one size fits all
A grovelling Petersfield businesswoman has come up with a unique souvenir for the forthcoming royal wedding between Princess William and some common woman called Katie Price.
Mrs Gabby Simpering-Subject has designed a ceramic forelock, which purchasers can tug with impunity before, during and after the upper-crust nuptials.
“Everyone I know is delighted about the royal wedding and has chattered of nothing else for months,” she wittered.
“I can’t think of a better tribute than a forelock because not only can we tug it to show our undying respect we can keep it for posterity because it will always remind us just what simpletons we are.
“We’ll be able to look back and recall how we were all cheered up by watching some rich folk fritter away millions of pounds on a pointless ceremony simply to rub our noses in it during the biggest economic recession in living memory…”
Mrs Simpering-Subject added: “I once stood behind someone in a queue at Stansted airport who knew the cousin of a lady-in-waiting who poop-scooped for the royal corgis - and she was the loveliest person you could ever meet.”
The oven-blasted forelocks will be available from Long May She Reign Over Us Ceramics for £2,500 each – all proceeds will be used to sponsor cheap plastic union jacks to be handed out to anyone who can no longer afford one to wave at the big event on April 29.
NB: UK media rules insist we advise you that other things to do on April 29 are available