Monday, March 07, 2011

Petersfield's market survives 'class-war' scare

Normally the sight of fresh fruit and veg is
sufficient to keep away the working classes...

The monthly Farmers’ Market in Petersfield Town Square went off without a hitch yesterday – despite the appearance of several working-class families.

Organiser Felicity Price-Hike admitted she breathed a sigh of relief when the unexpected guests finally moved on to the 99p Store without deterring any of the regular, affluent 4x4-driving customers.

She said: “Petersfield is hugely proud of its multi-cultural nature, mixing as we do white middle class families with white lower-middle-class families.

"Market days are a great example of this multi-culturalism. Every Wednesday and Saturday the lower orders may come into town to pick up cheap school uniforms, boxes of broken biscuits, ethnic clothing and egg-and-bacon burgers.

“But once a month the square is turned over to a market for a better class of people. It sells things the working classes would never contemplate – soap for example.

“It was always our intention to create a sort of al fresco Waitrose, only more expensive. It never occurred to us that working-class people would consider purchasing small portions of goat’s cheese for £4 a time or a loaf of bread at £2.50.

“Yesterday’s influx of lower-caste specimens came as something of a surprise and there was a stand-off on a stall selling pheasant and pigeon when one of the newcomers opined ‘How much? You’re ‘avin a larf mate…’ But thankfully that was the closest we came to actual confrontation.”

She continued: “They even went to the effort of wearing country-check shirts, wax jackets and wellies, but we weren’t fooled. For a start the mothers didn’t have bob haircuts and they were driving rear-wheel drive cars – a dead giveaway.

“After about 10 minutes laughing and pointing at price-tags they moved off to get a coffee and wandered down to the 99p Store. Fortunately we had a local member of the Working-Class Watch Scheme keep an eye on them.”

Admiral Carr-Insurance Retd, of Toff Totty Drive, Steep, confessed he had not noticed any strangers.

“We were all too busy doing our monthly shop,” he smiled. “I picked up a whole sackful of game, bread and cheese for under £500 and I was too busy telling my friends about it and thrashing the valet to notice any ‘incidents’.”

Police confirmed the market went off without a hitch.

Constable Haywain said: “We did hear reports of insurgents in Petersfield, but as none of us have a clue where Petersfield is we just let nature take its course.”


  1. Many a true word spoken in jest, etc. Very funny!

  2. My wife and I visited the "market" in the hope of purchasing some free-range organic vegetarian meat but were disappointed. We felt much of the merchandise on sale was under-priced and therefore not safe for our consumption.
    We shall not go again.

    Major General Ivor Largegarden
    Royal Battalion King's Musketeers (Rtd)

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