Brown and Darling lobbying
Following a Government bale-out Petersfield Newswire is back on track.
This means you, the taxpayer, now own a large share of our debts and will be with us in the dock should Duncan Biscuits carry out his threat to sue.
Congratulations on your purchase which is guaranteed for one year.
To enjoy the benefits of an extended warranty please give us lots more money and we will spend it on inflated bonuses for the five regular contributors so we have enough money to buy the Royal Bank of Scotland and relocate it to Sheep Street.
A spokesman for Petersfield Newswire said: “We would like to thank the Government and in particular Messrs Brown and Darling for their unflinching support in the face of threatened legal action from Mr Biscuits.
“It is essential, if we are to retain the best satirical talent in Petersfield, that we are able to offer the sort of salary commensurate with a Russian oligarch.
“Rest assured that with this level of financial support and a regular following which stretches into … oooh double figures, Petersfield Newswire will continue to churn out light-hearted parochial chuff for the foreseeable future.”