Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher before the change
Alfred Timothy Tarquin Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher told us: “These are important and desperate times and I will do anything I can to help Damian Heinz and the Conservative Party”.
Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher explained: “Over the years a few of my party colleagues have passed the occasional comment about my name, a joke here, a sly dig there and I have always taken it on the chin. My name was given to me by my family and I am tremendously proud of my heritage.
“That said, this year I will be visiting the homes of hundreds of voters and it has been suggested that whilst I look the part, my name could be an embarrassment and a vote loser.”
Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher did look rather doleful as he told us his story; any decision to change his name has clearly not been easy.
The Tory went on: “Any way the paperwork has been completed and the deed has literally been done. From Thursday I will no longer be Alfred Timothy Tarquin Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher, I will henceforth simply be known as Timothy Tarquin Ponsomby-Arse-Clutcher. No more ruddy Fred.
“Hurrah and hussar.”
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