Petersfield school is United in technology

Fergie demonstrates the new technology

involved in the school's clock

What do Manchester United and Petersfield’s Big School have in common? They are the only places in the country where you can find a genuine Alex Ferguson timepiece.

Featuring the latest in patented ‘Fergie Time-Speed’ technology, the clocks can speed up or slow down depending on what is required.

For years now Ferguson has used his timepiece to justify adding anything up to three hours to a Premiership match at Old Trafford or to cutting a match short when away from home and holding on to a narrow lead.

The dour Scot has always guarded the technology fervently, but in a brief moment of charity he has allowed the timepiece to be replicated at Petersfield’s Big School, where it dominates the new Third Generation (3G) artificial sports pitch.

Head teach Dee Tention explained: “The clock will come in very useful for staff when pupils have been misbehaving or if the teacher has fallen asleep midway through a lesson and hasn’t finished a topic.

“Under those circumstances we can use the ‘Fergie Time-Speed’ technology to add another few hours to the school day, meaning not only do pupils learn more, but staff can earn overtime payments without having to fill in any chits.

“And what’s more if a parent is being particularly difficult at a parents’ evening we can cut short their 10-minute allotted time-slot to just 30 seconds and they’re none-the-wiser.

“It’s a clever piece of kit and we can see why Sir Alex Ferguson was happy to put his name to it. In an ideal world we’d like to let the local community take advantage of this technology but now we’ve installed it we probably won’t.”

However, the new time-piece has not been welcomed by local residents many of whom fear the clock could ensure they keel over and die if they ever protest to the school about anything again.