Tory candidate Mr Julian Hindsight attempts
to look working class at a football stadium
A YouWhat poll commissioned by Petersfield Newswire has discovered that 98% of voters are more concerned about the Icelandic volcano disrupting their holidays than who wins today's general election.
Out of a sample of 100, just Conservative candidate Julian 'Job for life' Hindsight and his wife Mrs Hindsight said the election was more important ... and Mrs Hindsight said she had already had three holidays this year.
More typical was the reply from Mr E Lecter who said: "I was torn between spoiling my ballot paper and voting for that Justice nutter candidate, but if that bloody Eyjafjallajokull starts spouting off again before my trip to Spain I might have to kill someone - especially if it means taking the kids to Devon again."
Other suggestions included a boycott of Iceland stores, a ritual burning of Bjork CDs in the Square, and a petition to get fish-loving football star Eidur Gudjohnsen transferred to Petersfield Town.
"That would serve the volcano-lovers right," said a passing voter.