Councillors are insisting that the new South Downs National Park still loves Petersfield – and the passing infatuation with HQ rival Midhurst is nothing more than ‘a crush’.
“We’re not bitter about the national park selecting that West Sussex slut Midhurst for its HQ,” said Cllr Buster Hill of Petersfield Town Council’s committee for old ramblers.
“We know that deep down we’re the town that the park likes and it will one day return the HQ to where it belongs – to a proper town with a square, a statue and everything.
“Midhurst was merely an ‘easy’ option at the time and the park is young and doesn’t know its own mind yet. One day it will see sense and we’ll be waiting.
“That’s why we’re throwing a party for the park today with schoolchildren, a Mongolian yurt – whatever that is – and some zorbers. If that doesn’t prove how serious we are, nothing will!”
Rumours that Mr Hill was all set to ‘punch Midhurst mayor John Smug’s ****ing lights out’ if he dared to show his face in Petersfield were dismissed as nonsense, although Mrs Hill was heard to murmur “Don’t do it Buster, he’s not worth it…”