Back in the days when you didn't have to pay to throw a party
East Hampshire District Council has labelled local people "party poopers" after none of them has paid for the council's Royal Wedding street party application form costing £21.
Angel D. Lite who heads the council's Department for Spoiling our Fun said: "We simply can't understand why people won't pay us lots of money for the privilege of filling in a form. Under the Government's Big Society plans, everybody should be filling in forms all the time, not just council officials between the hours of 9.30am and 4.30pm (3pm on Fridays)."
"We were so certain that everybody in the area would want these forms the councillors had planned to throw one belter of a party with the money we'd expected to raise. We'd even asked the Post Office how they deal with large queues so we could ignore their advice."
Without a properly filled-in form, the council will not permit any local resident to drink, play music, smile or laugh after dusk or indulge in any form of dancing. Special patrols will watch for unregulated gyrations and illegal rhythmic leg movement. Foot-tapping is a grey area.
Ms Lite said: "The Royal Wedding is the ideal time act on impulse and throw caution to the wind. We want to see spontaneous celebrations breaking out all over Petersfield, so long as we're given £21 and ten working days notice."