Deery me

Howling Mad Murdoch, centre rear, – sent to prison

for a crime he didn’t commit … we can but hope

Petersfield residents are still coming to terms with the part the town played in one of the nation’s biggest current news stories.

Earlier in the week three people were seen riding around the town square for their own pleasure on young deer – yet denied they were aware of their actions nor would they take responsibility for them.

One witness said: “There were two blokes: that Mr Burns from The Simpsons and a geeky looking fella who I assumed to be his son. There was also a younger woman who I believe was Crystal Tipps from the popular children’s show of the 1980s, though her hair was a very strange colour.

“They carried on trotting around the square on these young deer and didn’t seem to care about hurting them or anybody else. It was outrageous. I did alert the police but they weren’t interested.”

Indeed, a police spokesman confirmed that no action would be taken.

Speaking with his hands over his eyes and large bits of cotton wool in his ears, the policeman said: “There is absolutely no evidence of any fawn hacking whatsoever."

Crystal Tipps, shown here with her pet dog, Cameron,

has been implicated in fawn hacking