The unrelenting wetness which has plagued the Petersfield area in recent days is understood to be the result of mass crying, Petersfield Newswire can exclusively reveal.
An Isuzu truck full of milk skidaddled off the Southbound carriageway of the A3 near the Midhurst turn last week, prompting acute outbursts of crying across the GU32 postal district.
Residents in Steep Marsh, Stroud and the roads off Pulens Lane where they like to pretend they’re in Sheet, all reported weeping incidents.
Amateur tearologist Dr Daventry McAllister said: “It only takes a couple of hundred people locked into synchronised blubbing and you’ve got the makings of a proper flood. Just look at the swollen Rother. That’s all tears, that is.”
Officers at the A3 crash scene initially struggled to work out what had happened. It was only later when they gave up hope of trying altogether. By 5pm they were back at the station sobbing into their tea, made with milk they nicked from the crashed van.
It’s officially the wettest November in living memory, especially for small children and those with poor memories.
POSTSCRIPT: Following this discovery, the Environment Agency has issued flood warnings for Liverpool and other areas of Merseyside, where collective outpourings of grief are commonplace and, largely, unnecessary.
*Our thanks to Cyrano, one of Newswire's latest fans, for this contribution.