Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bridge collapse linked to Petersfield 'terror' cell

The worst thing for South West Trains
 since leaves on the line

Police are investigating claims that members of a Petersfield-based commuter ‘terrorist’ cell were today responsible for the collapse of a railway bridge in the London area (see here).

It is alleged that members of Petersfield Affirmative Action (PAA) deliberately targeted the bridge in an effort to deflect media attention away from the power shortage at Petersfield railway station which also led to delays on South West Train routes into London today.

A police spokesman confirmed: “We are certainly investigating these claims as we have been aware of the existence of the PAA for some time.

"It would be true that Petersfield would have been more in the public glare today had it not been for the collapsed bridge at Feltham. And following previous investigations we know that the PAA will go to any lengths to ensure there is nothing in the media which could possibly harm house prices in the east Hampshire town or the artificially high cost of a South West Trains season ticket.”

The power shortage at Petersfield is believed to have been caused by thousands of the town’s residents putting on the kettle at the end of today’s GMtv show on ITV.

A spokesman for South West Trains said: “The problem with Petersfield is that many of the residents are either past retirement age or simply don’t need to work. So they spend much of the day watching television and making cups of tea.

“It’s not unusual for the level crossing gates to stay down if their position coincides with the end of Loose Women. And we hardly ever see a train at all during the ad breaks for Location, Location, Location and Grand Designs, or any cookery programme featuring a recipe involving sun-dried tomatoes.”

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