Almost two thirds of Petersfield residents do not care about the opinions of their neighbours, an exclusive Petersfield Newswire survey has revealed.
In a shocking admission, 62 per cent of people polled admitted they did "not give a toss" about what other people thought.
Mori Rosencrantz, a specialist in interpreting data to suit the corporate entities that commission opinion polls, said: "This clearly illustrates that Petersfield residents are among the most insulated and opinionated people in the country.
"It would not be beyond the realms of possibility to say that the poll indicates a huge degree of intolerance of other people's beliefs and that Petersfield is not the ideal place to choose to live if you are a member of a minority group, such as Al Qaeda or the Labour Party.
"I am also prepared to go on record as saying that it indicates a high degree of smoking if we are being paid by the tobacco lobby."
*This week's poll will appear tomorrow and will be about something else we can mis-interpret.
SMALL PRINT: The Amble poll surveyed the views of several people, some of them (possibly) more than once and not all of them from Petersfield.