Local council officials, traders and the usual busybodies are confident of a traditional Christmas in the town this year, according to reports circulating the Petersfield Newswire office.
Some of the traditions the local authorities are expected to maintain include moaning about the cost of decorating the town, arguing over whose responsibility it is to put up the lights and warning that this is probably the last year we'll have any lights anyway.
Meanwhile, officials from Pennsions Place continue to look for a Christmas tree for the Market Square. In keeping with time-honoured tradition, they won't give up their search until they've identified the scruffiest clump of branches this side of Norway and then dragged it back on a rope until it has exactly half the charm of a tramp's jumper.
Asked to comment on the proposals, one woman in Ram's Walk said: "Beeg eee-shoe. Beeg eee-shoe."