Nothing to see here…

The job involves monitoring all CCTV

cameras but also includes a full Sky

Movies and Sports package

Petersfield’s CCTV camera system has been temporarily shut down – following the tragic death of a Big Brother-style monitor.

Tom P Ping died of boredom after literally nothing happened for nearly TWO YEARS.

He had worked in the monitoring office of Petersfield Spyware - the privatised company which runs the service on behalf of our police state - since 2007 and doctors say he simply couldn't take the tedium any longer.

Ping, 43, and getting no older, spent eight hours a day observing what was going on by watching a bank of screens covering all 9,327 of the town's CCTV cameras. It was his responsibility to notify community busybodies of any untoward activities but unfortunately excitement was at a premium.

However, the expensive camera system was defended by Petersfield Spyware’s managing director Mr V Oya, who said: “There was an incident involving a cat and a milk bottle early on in his stint, which kept him occupied for 30 seconds or so.

“And there was that time when a street lamp went out on the Herne Farm estate and he managed to alert Southern Electric, narrowly averting a minor annoyance for several residents.

“He also spent quite a long time monitoring the back garden of a former Miss Petersfield, Vera Milf, during this summer's two-day hot spell.”

There is now a vacancy for a monitor with a very high boredom threshold or an extremely inquisitive nature.

Oya added: “Basically, we're looking for a nosey bastard.”